Tell Me Why

Today we have another reflection about the relationship between John and his mother. "Tell Me Why" stands as one of the early Beatles' most emotionally direct songs. Recorded in February 1964 during sessions for "A Hard Day's Night," it was often overshadowed by more celebrated tracks from the same album, its plaintive question, "Tell me why you cry, and why you lie to me", reverberates beyond romantic disappointment to touch on a universal human hunger for understanding, particularly from those closest to us.

For John, these lyrics carried echoes of his complicated childhood relationships. The pivotal moment came in the summer of 1946 when his father, Alfred (“Freddie”) returned to Liverpool from his job as a merchant seaman after being absent for most of John’s life.

Since John lived with his Aunt Mimi, Freddie planned to take John with him to live in New Zealand. When John's mother Julia discovered this plan, she met them at her sister’s home, leading to a heart-wrenching confrontation. Alfred reportedly forced John to choose between his parents, a devastating decision for any child, let alone a sensitive five-year-old.

According to some accounts, John initially chose his father, but Julia cried and begged John to stay, promising to let John live with her. With that promise, young John changed his mind and agreed to stay with his mother. Sadly, this promise was short-lived and just a few weeks later Julia handed John back over to her sister, Aunt Mimi. So, when John sings “tell me why you cry and why you lie to me”, it could be that 5-year old boy asking his mother, “why did you cry and why did you lie.”

While living with Aunt Mimi, John maintained regular contact with his mother, who taught him banjo chords (on the guitar) and shared rock 'n' roll records that Mimi disapproved of. This created a complex dynamic: Julia was present but not fully reliable, loving but not consistently dependable. As we learned in yesterday’s post, Julia was tragically killed when John was just 17, leaving many of John’s questions unanswered. 

Today, I will recognize that my unresolved "why" questions about relationships, particularly from childhood, may be influencing my current connections. Rather than expecting others to provide all the answers, I'll acknowledge that understanding sometimes comes through my own reflection.

What "tell me why" questions do you carry from your formative relationships? How might finding peace with unanswered questions open new possibilities for your current connections?